Describe myself?… I guess… This is it

No I’m not pretty. I’m not stunning no matter how hard I could try if I was to be bothered. I don’t doll myself up on a daily basis just to sit indoors in trackies. Yes I love being in my trackies way too much. I don’t take a daily selfie and post it for the world to see. If I do take a picture of myself, I quickly delete it scared of the horror!
I don’t need to have people arse lick me. I don’t want it. It makes me uncomfortable. If someone compliments me I want it to be genuine not because they think it will get them followers or some shit. I certainly do not arse lick back. My mummy told me ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all’. So there. It’s not because I don’t like you, it’s probably just because I don’t know you enough to say something nice about you. Either that or you intimidate me…sorry.
I don’t follow the typical stereotypes. I don’t wear a beanie because it’s fashionable, I wear it because it’s cold outside or my hair is a mess. I don’t buy clothes because I want clothes. I buy them because I need them. And most things I buy, I send back or never actually wear because it’s out of my comfort zone. And I wear my clothes to death…and further…
I tattoo myself to represent things that matter to me. Everyone has their expression and mine is through ink. Not scars. Nothing like that….just ink. And they are pretty and everyone likes to at least feel pretty even if they aren’t.
I do get lonely. Everyone gets lonely. I sometimes wish that I had a boyfriend to kiss and cuddle and forget the world. But I don’t go out chasing them. It will happen one day and that’s when it will be right. I won’t date someone just to get some or to say “with my booooo!! Xxxxxx”… gag… A relationship should be for real and when it ends it should hurt like a bitch. That’s when you know it was real. When you let down your walls. Friendships have the same effect and my god does that hurt. Like a knife. You can trust someone so fully. Tell them your life. Then they turn on you and…that’s it…you’ve lost you’re best friend of 7 years. You can regret all you like but it will never ever change the fact. And eveeven if it did, trusting them is never an option again…
I have days where I just want to crawl under a rock and cry my eyes out. I think about all the bad times and how they still hurt just as bad as when it happened. I don’t tell everyone because I don’t want to attention seek. I keep things to myself or to nic. She understands me. (Everyone needs a Nic). I think about the times I miss. The people I miss no matter how much I hate their guts most days. The past is the past and even though I shouldnt, I sure as hell would change it back… I’m no different to everyone else. We all have days where we want to cry and be forgotten, so don’t ever feel like you are alone. Someone has gone through the same as you somewhere.
Despite all this, I am happy. I am real. I don’t do things for everyone else. I do them for me. Yes I cry at night. Don’t we all? And the best thing? I have someone who goes through the same as me. She’s the best. She’s my best friend and if she ever cuts me like a knife…god knows how I will cope.
That’s me in a nut shell. A long nut shell but still…
Dan -x-



Dan and I have been friends for 6 years although we didn’t start out that way. Dan thought that I was too loud and I thought that she was weird. There used to be 4 of us. Always hanging around with each other and having a laugh. One girl went off with her boyfriend and a load of other girls so then there were 3 of us.

Now by this point me and Dan had become a little closer and got along well. The three of us did a lot together! Going shopping, beach trips, amusement parks or just having a sleep over with films. 3 is an odd number and people do get left out. At first it was me and then Dan. But as me and Dan got even closer the other girl got left out but she made a drama of it. She had been friends with Dan for 7 years and friends with me for 5. One day she was there and the next she was gone.

Its been almost a year since 3 became 2 and now I look back and I’m happy it happened. Dan and I are going to concerts and planning years worth of holidays to all the places we wanna go. We are so close now that we feel okay to tell each other what we used to think and we just have a laugh about it all. Sometimes we talk about how much we miss being in a bigger group but with just the two of us things are cheaper and easier to do.

Its weird that the two that didn’t like each other are now the closest of friends but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Nic -x-

Being 19

Life is hard when you’re 19. You’re meant to be off at some uni doing something you love….but after a few weeks you realise that the course you’re on is something you really don’t want to do. I’m at uni studying equine management. Fair enough I get to stroke the ponies but its rubbish!! I learn more sitting at home than I do there and its ridiculous.

The management there convinced me to stay but a week later I was off again. I have had enough. I want to do something I enjoy but to do that I have to have 320 UCAS points! Its not fair! I wanted to do the type of thing Dans doing but there’s always some one there to piss on your bonfire. For me its my mum.

We don’t have much money so whatever grants and loans I get, I give some to my mum to help her out. If I don’t attend a uni I don’t get the money to give to her but she doesn’t get that I could be out working a better job and being able to still provide her with the money she needs if I was to do something with the open university. Sometimes I think she has way too much control over my life.

Everyone always wants to grow up and be out getting drunk during freshers week but its really not that great. At 19 you’re meant to have your life planned out but it doesn’t work like that… being 19 sucks. I just want to be out in America. I don’t care ware I work…. I will work in Walmart for the rest of my life if I had to….I don’t mind!!

Nic -x-

Don’t Worry Be Happy

My parents have always told me to do what makes me happy. School told me to get a good job with qualifications then you will be happy… What happens if having an average job makes me happy? Okay, not so much the job but the pay check at the end of the month… With that I can do anything!! I can fly off to California. I can see places I wanted to. I work hard. Nic and I both work hard. So hard to have money to have great times!! We deserve the good times!
So if having money makes me happy, can I do anything? Stripper? Playboy bunny? Run a surf shack on a beach…
Yes…I think I can…I need the money to get a surf shack so I may have to be a stripper in the mean time but it makes me happy!!
Be happy!!

Work is a piss take!!!

URGH!!!!!! I hate my job!! I don’t mind the kids, they’re alright. Its everyone else!! I work in a nursery and its usually not too bad, like today, today was a good day but I am not looking forward to tomorrow.

Dan and I work. We work hard to make our dreams come true but when you manager is a stupid, lazy arse twat, it doesn’t make it easy. Dan works in a bag shop. I’ve spent the day with her before and I do feel sorry because some of the things that walk through that door need to be locked away.

Anywho, today at 4:30 my manager calls me over for a word, (btw, these were her actual words) “Nicola, is it okay for you to work 8:30-5:30 tomorrow?”. Of course I said yes, I need the fricken money. However, this really pissed me off, “yeah, Tracey isn’t working tomorrow so I’m gonna take Nicky out of preschool so we can sit and talk and then I’m not on my


…. YOU WHAT?!?! I’m working extra hours so you and a member of staff can sit and talk about the sex you either have/ didn’t have with your boyfriends!!! All while children and parents walk through the door!!!

Now the reason why this annoyed me was because Nicky is a room manager. Her job is to make sure the staff, and her, are doing what they need to do to care for the kids. Nicky has key children, shes meant to note down and observe their activities and achievements ready for parent evening next week. Also, the manager isn’t on her own she’s with another woman and several other staff members who decide that they can’t be faffed to do their job.

Sorry for my first post to be a rant but I’m annoyed. I hope you can relate in one way or another.

Nic x


Self-discipline… discipline…i.e. focussing and getting the hell on with it!

I think that is one of the hardest things to do in life, particularly on things that you don’t so much enjoy. You can be smart, organized or determined but these can only get you part of the way unless you can discipline yourself to get things done.

Oh my gosh!! I cant be doing this! I’m listening to Madonna and opera in the name of an essay! No. I’m listening to opera in the name of getting a degree that will potentially let me move abroad… Plagiarism sucks. Essays suck. Deadlines suck. And my course sucks. It’s amazing how a literature course can have no literature in it.

Both Nic and I are studying; she’s at college while I work from home. Neither of us really know what we are doing with our lives yet so getting degrees sounds like a much needed plan. BUT how are we supposed to continue through all the crappiness that we learn when it’s not enjoyable in the slightest?

I will get through this and I will be able to do what I like after… at least I have that to look forward to…only 5 more years though…if I survive it…

Dan -x-

New Year

Well, hello there!

I know many people are probably doing this as a new years resolution thing or what not but I have been wanting to start a blog for ages; new year, new blog or something.. I’ve just been too lazy. Yep, I am lazy. Surprise surprise. Sitting in front of a computer to blog and I’m confessing I am lazy. I guess that’s no surprise in the end…

Anyway, as this is the first blog I guess I should let you know what to expect from upcoming posts. Behind the writing, there are 2 of us: me – Dan, and best friend Nic. What the blogs will be about, I haven’t a clue yet…probably just random wafflings about nothing but deep thinkings… One other thing you should know; we are going to CALIFORNIA in June so please expect some crazy excited posts and maybe even some travel blogging when we are out there. We have been planning this trip for 2 years since we were at school, and now we have finished and are working we finally have the money!! One day we plan to get permanent visas…but baby steps. Until then, we will just post our daydreams about our holiday and hope to inspire you to follow your dreams, chase them down and never give up. It will be worth it. If it isn’t…then…umm… sorry? Haha no, I honestly know that it will be completely worth it, one way or another. It might lead you somewhere completely off the beaten track, a place you never thought you would be, and where you land will be exactly where you should be; something called fate, whether you believe it or not. I’m still waiting for fate to kick in but I’m sure it will…some day…soon…hopefully… Anyway, so yeah. Chase your dreams. You won’t regret it. Have a good day!!

Dan -x- Nic