Describe myself?… I guess… This is it

No I’m not pretty. I’m not stunning no matter how hard I could try if I was to be bothered. I don’t doll myself up on a daily basis just to sit indoors in trackies. Yes I love being in my trackies way too much. I don’t take a daily selfie and post it for the world to see. If I do take a picture of myself, I quickly delete it scared of the horror!
I don’t need to have people arse lick me. I don’t want it. It makes me uncomfortable. If someone compliments me I want it to be genuine not because they think it will get them followers or some shit. I certainly do not arse lick back. My mummy told me ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all’. So there. It’s not because I don’t like you, it’s probably just because I don’t know you enough to say something nice about you. Either that or you intimidate me…sorry.
I don’t follow the typical stereotypes. I don’t wear a beanie because it’s fashionable, I wear it because it’s cold outside or my hair is a mess. I don’t buy clothes because I want clothes. I buy them because I need them. And most things I buy, I send back or never actually wear because it’s out of my comfort zone. And I wear my clothes to death…and further…
I tattoo myself to represent things that matter to me. Everyone has their expression and mine is through ink. Not scars. Nothing like that….just ink. And they are pretty and everyone likes to at least feel pretty even if they aren’t.
I do get lonely. Everyone gets lonely. I sometimes wish that I had a boyfriend to kiss and cuddle and forget the world. But I don’t go out chasing them. It will happen one day and that’s when it will be right. I won’t date someone just to get some or to say “with my booooo!! Xxxxxx”… gag… A relationship should be for real and when it ends it should hurt like a bitch. That’s when you know it was real. When you let down your walls. Friendships have the same effect and my god does that hurt. Like a knife. You can trust someone so fully. Tell them your life. Then they turn on you and…that’s it…you’ve lost you’re best friend of 7 years. You can regret all you like but it will never ever change the fact. And eveeven if it did, trusting them is never an option again…
I have days where I just want to crawl under a rock and cry my eyes out. I think about all the bad times and how they still hurt just as bad as when it happened. I don’t tell everyone because I don’t want to attention seek. I keep things to myself or to nic. She understands me. (Everyone needs a Nic). I think about the times I miss. The people I miss no matter how much I hate their guts most days. The past is the past and even though I shouldnt, I sure as hell would change it back… I’m no different to everyone else. We all have days where we want to cry and be forgotten, so don’t ever feel like you are alone. Someone has gone through the same as you somewhere.
Despite all this, I am happy. I am real. I don’t do things for everyone else. I do them for me. Yes I cry at night. Don’t we all? And the best thing? I have someone who goes through the same as me. She’s the best. She’s my best friend and if she ever cuts me like a knife…god knows how I will cope.
That’s me in a nut shell. A long nut shell but still…
Dan -x-


6 thoughts on “Describe myself?… I guess… This is it

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