Ever since I was tiny, since I can remember, I haven’t been able to stand still. We would be walking through ASDA shopping and I’d be tapping my feet, moving around. Mum used to find it funny, always telling people “she can never stand still!”. I started dancing properly when I was 2 and a half years old, but I was already wriggling in my buggy watching my older sister on stage. I carried that on for… 17 years nearly?
I did a lot… ballet… pointe… tap… jazz… Irish… theatre craft… Dancing 3 days a week sometimes. Doing shows, exams.
Then I quit. I did my last show in the summer of 2013 and stopped. I just couldn’t afford to pay for it after finishing school and I needed all the time and flexibility to get a job. I did manage to get a job soon after luckily but paying for other things like California and then driving, I just can’t afford it.
The problem is that I miss it so bad. I miss going down there are every week and trying to do it. I mean I was never the best at it by any means but that didn’t stop me. I miss hearing the new music. I danced to things from David Guetta to Michael Jackson. Moulin Rouge to Little Mermaid. I miss the adrenaline you get on stage. My god that feeling is the best!! If you ever get the chance to get up on stage for a moment, do it!! It’s incredible!!
But at the moment all that’s on hold. I will go back to doing some forms of exercise…yoga…pole…something like that but I’m gonna have some fun getting fat for now instead!
But really…I remember all my old dances and I liked the part of me that couldn’t stand still and my feet naturally turned out. A day will come when I’m back at it but for now it’s over. It’s okay to have breaks from things you love doing, so long as you force yourself back into them. You’ll only regret it if you don’t.
115 days left.
We are actually going…
115 days until this:
115 days until these:
115 days until we are here:
That’s it…and so the countdown begins!! So close I can almost feel the sunshine already!! I can’t believe we’ve actually made it. It’s so crazy that it almost still feels like a dream…but this one isn’t going to end any time soon.
Everyone in their life experiences the feeling. The one where your face flushes. Your legs quiver. Your stomach flips. Your heart races at the speed lf light and the butterflies in your stomach have a sudden burst of energy like a child on a caffeine high. You stutter when you try to talk. Your thoughts jumble up and they become the only other person around.
This is not love though. This is infatuation. Sometimes it develops into adoration and then love; sometimes it fizzles out. Only time can tell which way it will go but when it comes you just have to accept it. There is no benefit from forcing it, no matter the benefits of the relationship. Some people fall in love with idea of the person and the life they could have rather than them themselves, while others become stuck in a cycle of hopeless devotion to their significant other. The world has practically written a a handbook on what love should be. How you should feel. Behave. I say everyone’s different. You’ve got to let it do what it does.
“As stated in Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them in to two separate beings, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.” – Plato’s the Symposium
So now I question; how many people experience the feeling? Not the one I described above but the actual one. The one where you know you have found your other half. Found your soul mate. Your completion. I’d guess less than half of us. A sad figure really when you think that we are all wondering around looking for our missing half and hardly anyone finds them. That means that there are always 2 people settling for someone who can give parts of themselves back but never the whole thing. Never being entirely complete. That’s if you go with the Greek mythology idea anyway…
I can’t preach on love with the lack of experience I’ve had, but I can try. My love history has been sparce for the 19 and a half years of my life. I’ve had very many crushes…haven’t we all? But there has only one time that I considered I may be in love. I’ll save the stupid pathetic details for another post but in a nut shell… I was infatuated by him. I fell for everything he was. Everything we could have been. I never fell for him though. It’s only looking back I can say this for sure but it still hurts when it’s gone…but that’s the thing with love.
The one who loves hardest, hurts worst.
Since that I can genuinely say there are 2 responses to love. To love again. And to shut off from love. One is a cure and one is a suppressor. Which is which is the part I haven’t figured out yet. Even so I know which one I have picked. Whether it stands me in good stead is something I have yet to figure out too…
So on this valentine’s day I wish you all an amazing day whether you are single, dating, married, confused and anything else.
Never settle. They are out there somewhere. Waiting and lost as you are.
I’m a worrier. I’ve been tested and confirmed as a worrier. (Yes I can now say “I’m not insane, my mother had me tested”). How do they know? I suffer with migraines and my doctor had done research into plotting the personality of migraine sufferes. Basically I’m kind, caring and loyal and all this leads me to worry about people…apparently. It’s true that I do worry about friends and family but I am cold and heartless so my worrying stems from other places.
One more thing…my main talent is over thinking things to a massive extent. It has never served me well in the past and I doubt it will in the future. I’m over thinking right now and it’s what conclusion I’m coming to that bothers me.
Basically, a new guy is starting at work finally. Running a shop with 3 people is nearly impossible. So he starts Tuesday but the area manager has decided not to train him on the till, only the cases for now… when I started I was put straight on the till and everything I know is what I’ve picked up myself. I didn’t get any fancy training. He will know the goods better than any of us will! Now here comes the over thinking: my area manager is a sexist twat from what I can gather… He doesn’t think us women can lift boxes and stuff…get a boy in and he can do that. Train him on the cases and he can do that. What does that leave? Me stuck behind a till while he does the selling part. And then to top it off!! My manager told me that he told her “don’t put him and Danielle together because she will stand there talking to him all day”…
HE DOESN’T KNOW ME! HE HAS NO REASON TO THINK THAT! It’s not like I sold £700 by myself on Saturday!! No…I’m a lazy silly girl who will fraternize with any male that walks through the door!! Oh my gosh he’s pissed me off. He better watch himself on Tuesday when I bump into him.
I hate over thinking. I hate sexist pigs. I hate judgements without reason. I hate work suddenly. And I hate that it’s me who will be talking to him not vice versa!!!
I can’t believe that some people can judge so poorly!! So that’s what I hate today. It will be something else tomorrow no doubt…what’s you peeves today?