Gullibility at its worse

I’ve always enjoyed making people laugh. I’m no comedian. I don’t have any gimmicks. I just like to be able to tell a story and watch people find it funny. Tell it in the right way and youll see a smile. That way I know I’m doing something right. When I was younger, I found one of the easiest ways to make people laugh is to be gullible. Luckily for me it came pretty easy. It was silly things that kids do like “say orange slowly and it sounds like gullible…” I’d do half of it so not to seem thick and then pretend to realise. This worked for a while until it was other gullible tricks.
Even now I’m pretty gullible. And that’s fine with me when it’s for a good ole laugh… But lately I’m realising, in the adult world, being gullible is not a joke. It’s not a thing to laugh at.
Being gullible is the act of someone telling a lie and one believing it. Or another way of putting it: “a person who is easily deceived and cheated”… Doesn’t sound so funny that way, does it?
I seem to be finding more and more people are making use of my gullibility, even the people closest to me. When I trust someone, I trust them wholeheartedly. I will take anything they say at face value and dig no deeper. My logic is “If I trust them like I do, they must be worth it. That person would not lie to me.”
Wrong.
The only problem is what happens when I find out because I do. It may be months down the line or moments later. But I do. And for me to be deceived by the people closest to me? That hurts. It tears me up. I feel like I can’t trust anyone. Everyone who knows me, knows that I’m somewhat easy to fool. Does that mean everyone is making use of it? Probably…I guess only time will tell .
Thing is I can’t get over the fact that I’ve been entirely open with this person and yet they’ve treated me like I’m just another person. Like I don’t deserve the truth. Maybe I don’t… Maybe I’ve been too open with them… maybe i shpuldmt assume such things… Maybe I need to shut myself off a little; let them get on with their lives; keep mine to myself. It’s just so hard to think you know someone, then get it proven that I never actually knew them. You doubt what they have told you in the past. You look at them and ask yourself “who are you?” Then the even worse question. “Who am I to you?”…apparently not what I thought at least. So years of my life have been spent pouring myself out to someone who has kept me at arms length?
Am I allowed to take back the things I’ve told them? No. Can I go back to being oblivious as to how I don’t really know them? No. Can I change myself to prevent further pain and embarrassment? Yes. Then that is what I shall do. No more late night heart pourings. No more blind trust. No more relying on them to be my source of relief when things get tough. Being more independent is the only way forward.
People always lie. People always let you down. You can’t change the world, but you can adapt yourself so that it won’t affect you as hard as it does now… so there will be no more tears when you stand alone in your house wondering what the hell just happened. There will be no more near breakdowns in front of colleagues when you explain why you are quiet. And from that: no more embarrassment; no more pain. Prepare yourself for it and you’ll be able to take it on.
Moral of this? Life’s a bitch.

Dan -x-

With kisses like that, who needs drugs?

“Is it crazy to adore someone that you hardly know?”

Have you ever had that feeling with someone that you’ve met where it could be a crush or it could be more. The symptoms are all correct for love; giddy smiles, constantly on your mind, butterflies. But the fact that you know so little about them, you’re just on the surface of their existence, means it should not be love. Love today requires you to know them better than anyone. There is no more falling in love and growing to know each other. Love comes after seeing every single imperfection and loving them individually…why can’t you love someone first and then fall more and more for their imperfections?
Then there’s the fact that if it was love, it should be two-sided. You think of him. He thinks of you. If he isn’t making the effort does that mean this is simply “just another crush”? How can it when the symptoms are there?! Being pushed out to the periphery of their lives but wanting so bad to be in the core; sometimes even be the core. Surely that is not right for love…but what if you’ve only known the person a very short time. Does that excuse this minor detail and mean it could be the ever illusive ‘truelove’? How about adding to the equation a kiss…A pure innocent kiss…A kiss that started innocent and somehow got so torturous the more it’s dwelled on. A kiss that seems so normal but actually is the best you’ve ever felt. Clears your mind. Weakens you knees. Tastes better than the finest delicacies. Hooks you more effectively than the worst of illegal drugs… A kiss like that is dangerous and yet you’d go back for more. You’re an addict now. So perfectly messed up. So sweetly corrupted. Surely that cannot mean love when it leaves you ruined in the worst ways?
I don’t know the answers to any of these. This is not a challenge. It is just the ramblings of someone muddling through the confusion that is life. Worse, the mess that is love. We all want it but who is really ready for it?

Dan -x-