I’ve always enjoyed making people laugh. I’m no comedian. I don’t have any gimmicks. I just like to be able to tell a story and watch people find it funny. Tell it in the right way and youll see a smile. That way I know I’m doing something right. When I was younger, I found one of the easiest ways to make people laugh is to be gullible. Luckily for me it came pretty easy. It was silly things that kids do like “say orange slowly and it sounds like gullible…” I’d do half of it so not to seem thick and then pretend to realise. This worked for a while until it was other gullible tricks.
Even now I’m pretty gullible. And that’s fine with me when it’s for a good ole laugh… But lately I’m realising, in the adult world, being gullible is not a joke. It’s not a thing to laugh at.
Being gullible is the act of someone telling a lie and one believing it. Or another way of putting it: “a person who is easily deceived and cheated”… Doesn’t sound so funny that way, does it?
I seem to be finding more and more people are making use of my gullibility, even the people closest to me. When I trust someone, I trust them wholeheartedly. I will take anything they say at face value and dig no deeper. My logic is “If I trust them like I do, they must be worth it. That person would not lie to me.”
The only problem is what happens when I find out because I do. It may be months down the line or moments later. But I do. And for me to be deceived by the people closest to me? That hurts. It tears me up. I feel like I can’t trust anyone. Everyone who knows me, knows that I’m somewhat easy to fool. Does that mean everyone is making use of it? Probably…I guess only time will tell .
Thing is I can’t get over the fact that I’ve been entirely open with this person and yet they’ve treated me like I’m just another person. Like I don’t deserve the truth. Maybe I don’t… Maybe I’ve been too open with them… maybe i shpuldmt assume such things… Maybe I need to shut myself off a little; let them get on with their lives; keep mine to myself. It’s just so hard to think you know someone, then get it proven that I never actually knew them. You doubt what they have told you in the past. You look at them and ask yourself “who are you?” Then the even worse question. “Who am I to you?”…apparently not what I thought at least. So years of my life have been spent pouring myself out to someone who has kept me at arms length?
Am I allowed to take back the things I’ve told them? No. Can I go back to being oblivious as to how I don’t really know them? No. Can I change myself to prevent further pain and embarrassment? Yes. Then that is what I shall do. No more late night heart pourings. No more blind trust. No more relying on them to be my source of relief when things get tough. Being more independent is the only way forward.
People always lie. People always let you down. You can’t change the world, but you can adapt yourself so that it won’t affect you as hard as it does now… so there will be no more tears when you stand alone in your house wondering what the hell just happened. There will be no more near breakdowns in front of colleagues when you explain why you are quiet. And from that: no more embarrassment; no more pain. Prepare yourself for it and you’ll be able to take it on.
Moral of this? Life’s a bitch.