Basket full of eggs?

I think everyone has an innate fear of being forgotten. Look Back through your past at all the people you used to know. How many of them are still special to you now? How many of them are even relevant? How many people can say that about you?
Throughout our lives, we have relationships with people. Life then leads to these relationships breaking down, decaying, disappearing… We become strangers to someone you used to know so well. Asked now, could you still confidentially state the other person’s favorite colour? Me neither…
We are just plain and simply want to be special. We spend our lives in and out of partnerships, friendships, and all for what? We are searching for something. Maybe it’s the person we can share our lives with. Someone to love. But behind all of that, you must be special to someone. They confide in you, trust you, look after you, all as you do them. So being someone’s most special person must be important for us…
So then…is the hardest thing realising that you aren’t as special to them as they are to you? I mean, you’ve been with them in all the hard times, worried about them and for them, put your plans aside for theirs, become so involved in their life that you’ve lost yours…and yet…They don’t really need you? They are happy to go out alone and not need you? They can plan their future away from you without considering how it will affect the relationship? They can wake up one morning and realise that they want something else. They are bored of you. So goodbye to another not so perefect, perfect relationship. And you know, all the days, weeks, months after their departure, whilst you still think of them, worry about how they are doing, they have replaced and forgotten you. Maybe we cling on so hard to a person is to try and force them not to leave. Not to forget. But that’s the shit.
EVERYONE leaves. Everyone forgets. Everyone moves on, gets bored, changes. And you can sit there and wonder what you could have done to change it, but nothing can stop it. So you come to a conclusion. “It must be me…I’m not worth it”…
Let me tell you this. You are worth it. I know, even now when I reach that point I tell myself the same thing to excuse their choice. But there’s nothing you can do. People always move on. They leave you behind. And eventually, yes, they forget you. And another thing, no it never gets easier. The more times it happens, the more you think “this is the one that will stay” and then they go just the same…
My mum told me not to put all my eggs in one basket. I never understood until..I only had one egg that I protected in my little basket. Looked after it. Kept it all safe and warm…and now that eggs gone and I have nothing… And right now? Yes, I’m feeling like I’m not worth it and it’s my fault.
So take my advice because I can’t take it myself…

Dan -x-

From kids to adults

Growing up sucks. It is seriously the worst.
When I was 6, I decided to stay that age forever. Then I turned 7. I wore my 6 birthday badge again because I was desperate not to get older… Then something happened and I forgot. I turned 8…then 9… Then I grew up before I realised what was happening to me. Now, I turned 20 a few days ago and it hit me again. Everything has changed this year. Everything is still changing. It’s overwhelming and I’m not ready.
This year; I travelled for the first time. I met a stranger and fell into some sort of stupid daze. I quit my job. I got a new one. I bought a car… One year. All this in one year. I think I’ve coped with it well. But that’s because I had one constant. I had my best friend…
This year things will change again. Faster. Worse. I’m losing my rock. She has big plans for her future. I’m so bloody proud of her stepping out, getting out of this place like she’s always wanted, going for adventures. But I’m so scared for the future. I rely on her for so much. She’s All I’ve had for so long and I don’t think I know how to cope without her. I’ll support her every step of the way. I’ll Skype with her whenever I get the chance. I’ll send her money if she should need it. And every single day, I’ll worry about her. I know she’s strong and brave and she can handle herself but… I can’t. This probably sounds way too sentimental for a bestfriend, but I’ve had nothing more in as long as I can remember. I’d like to say the same for her but we aren’t the same. I’ve realised this lately and it’s hard to accept when I’ve thought we were twins. But no. We aren’t. We are bestfriends though and I’m sure we always will be…
I hear it all the time that friends drift apart. I thought we were stronger than that, not that I’m saying we aren’t! Just that…sometimes there’s no beating it. She’s going off to the other side of the world to start a life. I’m staying here to…well, be me. The distance is happening. The drifting is inevitable…
So when a kid says to you, “I can’t wait to grow up”, remember when you said that as a kid. Remember the urge to grow up… Do you still feel the same? I hope to one day look back at this and think, “it turned out okay”…

Dan -x-