From kids to adults

Growing up sucks. It is seriously the worst.
When I was 6, I decided to stay that age forever. Then I turned 7. I wore my 6 birthday badge again because I was desperate not to get older… Then something happened and I forgot. I turned 8…then 9… Then I grew up before I realised what was happening to me. Now, I turned 20 a few days ago and it hit me again. Everything has changed this year. Everything is still changing. It’s overwhelming and I’m not ready.
This year; I travelled for the first time. I met a stranger and fell into some sort of stupid daze. I quit my job. I got a new one. I bought a car… One year. All this in one year. I think I’ve coped with it well. But that’s because I had one constant. I had my best friend…
This year things will change again. Faster. Worse. I’m losing my rock. She has big plans for her future. I’m so bloody proud of her stepping out, getting out of this place like she’s always wanted, going for adventures. But I’m so scared for the future. I rely on her for so much. She’s All I’ve had for so long and I don’t think I know how to cope without her. I’ll support her every step of the way. I’ll Skype with her whenever I get the chance. I’ll send her money if she should need it. And every single day, I’ll worry about her. I know she’s strong and brave and she can handle herself but… I can’t. This probably sounds way too sentimental for a bestfriend, but I’ve had nothing more in as long as I can remember. I’d like to say the same for her but we aren’t the same. I’ve realised this lately and it’s hard to accept when I’ve thought we were twins. But no. We aren’t. We are bestfriends though and I’m sure we always will be…
I hear it all the time that friends drift apart. I thought we were stronger than that, not that I’m saying we aren’t! Just that…sometimes there’s no beating it. She’s going off to the other side of the world to start a life. I’m staying here to…well, be me. The distance is happening. The drifting is inevitable…
So when a kid says to you, “I can’t wait to grow up”, remember when you said that as a kid. Remember the urge to grow up… Do you still feel the same? I hope to one day look back at this and think, “it turned out okay”…

Dan -x-

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